Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
