Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize