that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
