I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
