why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
