Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
