think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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