The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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