Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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