Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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