dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
