i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
