I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
