Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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