two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
