All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
