it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
