that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm having to shit out rocks
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