I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
