he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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