There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
