the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
