you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
