Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My ass is underappreciated
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
