He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
