I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
