...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
false alarm, still single
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