Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
