apparently the secret to your success is patron
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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