hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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