i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
