I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
