So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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