I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize