Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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