I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
