I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
