ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
