If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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