the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
