All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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