I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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