Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
