I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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