Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish you could order shots online.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
