I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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