No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
