Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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