he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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