Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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