she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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