You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
