I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
