I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
