I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
