i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
