Farmville is her only friend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
