My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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