I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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