I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
