shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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