she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
