I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
