my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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