So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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