You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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