On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
