The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
