I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize