I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
